As mass panic continues in Mexico City, the Mexican government has sought to relieve tensions by revising the Mayan calendar set to end on December 21st. Scholars, working at the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México, have deduced that 3 ancient ceremonial glyphs were accidentally excluded from the original calendar. By including these symbols, the calendar would be extended an additional 452 years. “We just want to set the record straight,” said Professor Raquel Gutierrez Aguilar. “There is no need to panic.”

An unknown Prince, never before seen in public, buys controlling interest in Twitter, leading to speculation that Steve Jobs is not dead, and assuming another identity to trade in tech stock.   Although a hand full of close friends and family recently claimed to witness Job's last minutes, billions of others from this planet have no firsthand knowledge of his death, which is causing growing belief that he is still alive and planning the launch of Apples's new life extending product.